at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
