Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
