used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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