i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
