I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
