Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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