Just cropdusted the office
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I touched a dick in church today
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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