if you like me you must not know who I am
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
