Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
