there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
