Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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