Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
