So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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