do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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