shes about as inviting as chlamydia
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
