i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
