yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
