Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize