do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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