is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
