With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
