I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Randomize
