Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
