My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
