Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize