tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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