but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
