I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
