I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
