At least make sure they are 18
Why
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
