I'm jealous of your bromance
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
