i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
