literally had 100 drinks last night.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
