At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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