just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
