ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize