I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
