I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
