When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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