I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
