I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
