dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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