it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
