your room smells of hookers.
And success
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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