I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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