We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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