I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
