No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You pole danced in your parka.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
