Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize