He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
