I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
