my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize