My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
