I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
