I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
