He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I think my moral compass just broke
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
