Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I want to be your penis for a week.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
