I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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