The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize