I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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