I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
