Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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