This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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