this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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