Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
