He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
