i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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