I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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