why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
