I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
