i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Buhtt sex?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
