You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
