I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize