So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
