I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
