My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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