Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
