woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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