put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Randomize
