We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you told grandpa to call you daddy
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
