How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
