You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
