hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
