the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
