Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
