I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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