We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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