I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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