wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
