That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He did a backflip because drugs
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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