he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
