i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
