In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
