oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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