What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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