I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
