woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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