I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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