did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
