I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize