That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You can't just leave with hair like that
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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