I wish my penis had an off switch
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
50% drunk capacity currently
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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