Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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