I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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