I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i would punch a child for taco bell
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
